WARNING! This Blog Contains; Personal Opinion, Parody, Humour, Satire, Sarcasm, Criticism, Incredulity, Contempt, Indignation and/or Expletives. It also Contains a Huge Number of Rather Surprising Facts About the Oddly Dysfunctional Nature of Harper Land.

CHECK BACK OFTEN ~ ALL POSTS are Updated As New Information Becomes Available.

October 19, 2009

Conservative Estimate

How many Conservatives does it take to change a Doorknob?

Remember these are “Conservative Estimates” and, do not therefore, represent Real numbers.

13 to study the proposal
1 Conservative Senator with connections to local hardware store
3 to help bypass normal tendering process
5 to make the novelty cheque
1 to add the Logo
1 Minister to sign it
1 (anonymous Conservative) to call the Press
6 to organize the Pre-event Cocktail party
6 to organize the Post-event Dinner party
2 to book flights for dignitaries
2 to create the Guest list
3 to send out invitations
6 to serve drinks
4 to serve hor d'oeuvres
28 to keep out Undesirable Canadians (non party members)
1 to change the Doorknob
673 Invited guests
1 Minister to hand out the Cheque
1 Minister to cut the ribbon
1 to Secretly copy the Keys

5 Ministers and 1 Sub-prime Minister to defend the Event in the House of Commons.

Current Estimate: 759

Again, this is only a ‘Conservative Estimate’, so the numbers are only Guesstimates.

I apologize to all those who have been left off of this list and welcome any suggestions that will help bring the number closer to a Number in which All Canadians can have Confidence.

October 07, 2009

Beatlejokes .... Beatlejokes .... Beatlejokes Oops, Now you've done it!

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Harper at the NAC, Getting Positive Play?

I have heard a few rumblings out there that this is being blown out of proportion by the media, and that the attention may have been premature.

As much as I agree that Harper's 'surprise' Performance was blown out of proportion, I also think that given time that it is going to be seen as ridiculous that it somehow justified the PM getting this kind of Praise.

Sometimes these things just take a bit of time and considered thought to digest.

Keep in mind that Harper is not really a very talented singer. Not really NAC material. AHH show busines, eh? What magic. The backup group, who were quite a bit louder than Harper, were Amazing, but Harper's piano was nearly inaudible, and, to me, his voice sounded Weak and Tremulous, and at times he 'Sang out of tune'. (what are ya gonna do?)

And to top it all off, over 90% of Canadians are functionally tone deaf. God, how I wish I was one of majority of us not really able to identify the chromatic scale.

"But at least it was spontaneous and showed Harper is a real human being." I have heard this little gem over and over from his Flock and his caucus.

Anyone who has looked more closely at the "impromptu jam session" knows that it was far from a spur of the moment happening. It is obvious that the 'surprise' was planned, well in advance, and rehearsed at least at home. I repeat, there was nothing spontaneous about it. Harper's wife, as the Organizer of the event, was able to arrange the whole thing, and she was aware that he may have already been defeated in a Non Confidence vote, by the time of the scheduled performance of this small bit of amateur Theater.

Had that happened, it would have become (plan B) a Great opportunity to Kick off his Election Campaign, with a human,'off the cuff', almost 'blue sweater' like event. Not that he ever stops campaigning, or that he wears blue sweaters when the cameras are not rolling.

As I said, these things take time. And it is starting to be not such a purely positive move by the mysterious Man who rules the PMO.

There are already many questions and many jokes and Jabs floating around the office and the Internet. I should know this, as I have made up dozens of jokes about our hapless Leader. I consider him my Fodder, eh?

Here is one of my contributions:

Although Harper seems to believe he is actually a Beatle, He is not. Neither is he a Rolling Stone. It is rumoured that he has been 'gathering Moss' for four years.

Mr. Harper is no Ringo Starr. Actually now that I think of it he is no star at all.